Visitors, Adventures and a Week of Appointments

Last week my husband gave me a wonderful idea - to look up some old friends from their beloved church, Grace. I had heard them talk about David and Valley Head for years and had been meaning to call them and finally did so when Dad seemed like he could really use a friend. Am I ever glad that I did! They came last Friday and it was such a delightful visit. I loved hearing them reminisce and seeing Mom perk up (as well as Dad). It was fun to play hostess and Hallack made some really tasty blueberry scones. Since they now know where Mom and Dad are (it turns out they'd been trying to locate them for over a year) I'm sure that we'll have more visits from them and other members of their small group.

Then on Saturday, Greg and John came to visit. I know how much it means to them to have their children visit - so they perked up that day as well. This is what I really hoped would happen when they moved in with us - life. Regular visits from friends and family and the sense that they belong in the middle of things - not parked away in a gilded cage.

On Sunday we were able to make it to church and left from their to head up to Adie's house. We stopped to pick up Subway's $5 footlongs so that we could all make the drive and it was so pleasant (albeit rainy!) The folks hung out with Adie while I worked in her garden (a long overdue birthday promise) and it was nice for me to have that change of pace and for them to see Adie's sweet cottage and be able to visit with her. The drive home was uneventful and we were all ready for a good night's sleep.

This week has been less visits and fun adventures and full of tasks and appointments. We went in for Mom to have a banding procedure on her hemorrhoids - not her idea of Halloween fun but it was fairly frightening! I discovered that she needs to have more fiber in her diet so off to the store I went for Benefiber and Tucks medicated pads. Yesterday we had a follow up appointment to check on her coumadin as well as give a urine specimen for both Mom and Dad to make sure their bladder infections are gone. Having to urinate on demand is very stressful for Mom and yet I battled her to drink enough water because she's always afraid that she'll have to go unexpectedly. I can't seem to convince her that the Depends are dependable! While sitting in the doctor's office she said to me "I'm so tired of all this," and I know how hard this is for her. Today we have a mammogram and bone density appointment and I'm not thrilled about having to put her through these latest torturous tests. I know that I need to take care of her health and it had been a long time since she'd had a mammogram but...well NOBODY enjoys that test and really...is it absolutely necessary? I find myself weighing how important all these procedures are and the benefit of doing them. It was so freeing to tell the eye doctor that I wasn't going to bring her back after her near panic attack. I wonder about all the tests that their primary care physician orders so blithely (and the toll it takes on our medicare system as well as my parents mental state). This is where I wish I had a glimpse into the future and could see how much longer she has and then I come back to reality and know that I don't want to know that! I want to take each day as a gift and celebrate the life we have today. So...I guess we'll go to the appointment and then we'll find a way to enjoy life as well. I think we'll stop at the coffee shop housed in a church that we pass every time we go to an appointment. That will give us all something to look forward to!

Bathrooms

We have a new bathroom with a 5'6" roll in tile shower and new fixtures. Yesterday I ordered the final piece - a classy medicine cabinet. It's a beautiful room and one we've needed to remodel for 14 years! As I think back on the old room, I can hardly believe the difference and am grateful that we didn't remodel until now for we would never have thought to make it ADA accessible. Hannah says she's going to live in it when she comes home for Thanksgiving and I smile to think how much the girls will enjoy it. Ben and Hallack both use it but I have to confess that for me it is not exactly a sanctuary but rather a place of work(or maybe place of ministry is a better way to look at it.) I clean it quite frequently and now realize why their bathroom at Aegis never looked or smelled very clean. I used to think that they weren't cleaning it but now I know that it needs to be done daily or at least every other day. I'm so grateful for this spacious, easy to clean facility that works so nicely for Mom and Dad (or it really will when I get the mounted shower bar - Dad apparently pulled the curtain down again last night!) It's just not the place that I want to escape to.

So I'm delighted to say that next Monday the guys are coming back to get started on our other bathroom (which has also needed remodeling for 14 years!) Travis doesn't think this will take more than a week and I'm so excited about it. I'm not looking forward to all the work this will add to my schedule (emptying the bathroom, painting/trim work, finding places for all our stuff) or the challenge it will be to share the one bathroom (I told Mom yesterday that we're going to bring in the second commode in case there's a line up and she can't wait :0). When it is done, though, it really will be a sanctuary for me (and whomever else wants to use it.) Now if we can just make it through the week or so of remodeling, it really will be done in time for the girls' Thanksgiving homecoming. I'm grateful for a holiday dedicated to giving thanks as well as anticipating a house full of joy...and another new bathroom.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

It's already Sunday morning and I can't believe another week has flown by. I got a phone call yesterday from a friend who took care of her Mom until she died and it was so good to hear from her. She said she just wanted to check in with me to see how we're all doing and we had a talk about this very issue of time. Her Mom (and Dad) were with her every winter for four years (they snowbird in Texas) and during the Alaskan summers they lived close enough that she could check in on them every day. Her words were that it did seem long at the time but looking back she knows that it flew by: just like the years with infants, preschoolers, gradeschoolers and teenagers.... I'm very aware of how similar this is to the years with my children and I have the same sense now as I did when the kids were little - that I only get one chance to do this right.

The big difference here is that with children you know they're going to grow and get more independent and then you have the joy of adult children who've become friends. And the progression is steady, predictable and (mostly) delightful. With Mom and Dad....well, we're going the opposite direction and I have no idea how the timing will work out. And the end result will break my heart (even as I rejoice for them in the new life they'll be born into.)

I hung up their name plate from Bonaventure on their bedroom door yesterday and had a brief flash of how painful it might be to take it down when this is all over. I know I'm setting myself up for more grief when they die because of all the memories we're making right now. The good, the bad and the ugly. Even as I write this I wrestle with my desire to shape the things to come and the truth that I have no control over this unfolding story. None. And it drives me back to my knees and to the God that gives grace to every situation and Who holds all things in His Loving Hands. Even the tough stuff - especially the tough stuff. Again I'm amazed at what a gift this time is and how it is shaping me, healing me and stretching me. This is what gives me the strength to take each day as it comes...the good, the bad and the ugly.

It's Not About Safe

Mom had a fall in the bathroom early Monday morning. I was sound asleep and so was Dad but thankfully Hallack heard it. She decided to rush off without her walker in order to make it on time and then fell while heading to the sink. The concern for making it on time is very much in the forefront of her thoughts even though she's usually already urinated (thank God for Depends!) I can't seem to ease her mind that she's well protected. We had a doctor's appointment that day so, after checking her out, I put her back in bed. There were no broken bones or even much soreness - thank You Father!

Since Dad has fallen out of bed a couple of times (including just this morning) I've been tempted to think that they're not safe enough with me. On Tuesday morning God gave me the great gift of Staci showing up on her way to work. Coffee in hand and prayer on her mind she joined me (in my pjs) and we had 20 wonderful minutes of sharing and praying together. When I told her my concerns about this not being safe enough, her words from the Lord to me were this "it's not about safe." She went on to say that of course they'd be more safe in nursing home but they wouldn't have life. They are more safe with me than they were at Aegis so the only other alternative is skilled nursing. Where they couldn't sleep in their own bed and would be at the mercy of caregivers that are strangers - not their daughter who loves them and wants them to end well. What a helpful reminder that even though they are "under my thumb ":0), at least it's my thumb and not a poorly paid hourly worker who probably wouldn't understand why Mom can be so self-absorbed. Someone who probably isn't interested in learning patience and sweetness of spirit and getting lots of practice with her! Someone who doesn't know her love of God and could pray with her when she gets scared or angry or depressed. I have the privilege of attempting to be that person for her and to smooth the rough edges so that Dad can still be with her. And so they can still snuggle in bed together. Which they like to do in the mornings and I encourage. And I get time to reflect and write and pray before we're off and running with another day. I hear Dad so it's time for breakfast. I'm off and running (well more like walking :0)

Dad's turn in ER

With trying to finish the background story, I've gotten a bit behind on the latest happenings. Last Monday we had a nice trip to Enumclaw to see Mark and have a birthday lunch with him. Mom had a tough time the last 1/2 hour of the drive because she had to go to the bathroom (although she didn't tell me that, she just said she was uncomfortable.) Dad, however, said he enjoyed every minute of the trip. We had a nice lunch in Auburn and a quiet, peaceful drive home.

On Wednesday we had another adventure in the ER. This time it was because Dad had blood in his urine and was in pain. When we got there he told the admitting nurse that he'd noticed it in the morning but didn't tell me until 6pm. I don't know how to convince him that telling me things sooner rather than later is better for ALL of us. He's now on his 5th day of antibiotics for his bladder infection. I told them this wouldn't look good on my resume and that I was going to become a water nazi. I've been at them to drink more water every hour or so and it seems to be helping.

We invited Heidi and Gisela to join us on a trip to a craft bazaar at Hallack's new church (on Friday) and I thought they were enjoying it. Besides looking at all the beautiful displays, they got to sit together and eat cookies while drinking hot apple cider. The next day, however, Mom was really agitated and upset and didn't know what she didn't know. She was feeling very sorry for herself and talked about having a hard time following what Heidi and Gisela were saying. Since Heidi and I were the ones doing most of the talking, what she was really saying is that she couldn't follow our conversation but I don't think she's comfortable criticizing me. Or she just didn't remember who had been talking! I acknowledged how hard it must be to not keep up like she used to. In essence she was just feeling sorry for herself. Saturday was mostly spent sleeping and in fact, she never even got dressed for the day. At 6:30 she toddled off to bed and Dad joined her not too much later. They seemed to have a good night's sleep but she woke up really out of it. I wasn't sure we'd make it to church but at 9am was able to get both parents up and while Dad showered I made them breakfast. I left them sipping smoothies while I picked up Ben from a sleepover. When we got back, Mom was really upset because Dad had knocked over his smoothie. He told me how sorry he was and I was able to tell both of them that it didn't matter one little bit. And it didn't. But Mom couldn't let go of her anger so I said to her, "I'm the one who's going to clean it up so why do you care? I've learned to not cry over things that can't cry over me." She was still agitated so I told her the story of that little piece of wisdom: when our good friends the Campbells came back from a vacation and found their whole house had flooded from broken pipes - that is what Sharon said. I've never forgotten how that crisis was handled without blaming, without self-pity, without anger but with a deep peace that this too was in God's Hands and something they could accept.

After getting Mom showered and dressed for church, she had an "accident" and I was able to treat it in the same way that I treated the smoothie incident. After getting her cleaned up and headed out to the car (we were already going to be late) she had another "accident." Dad and Ben were already in the van so I told them to come back in the house since we weren't going to make it. I was disappointed to not get to go to church and was honest with Mom about that but reiterated that this was not her fault and not something to cry over.

I know this is hard for our parents to do because I remember how these kinds of situations were treated in our family. I fought hard against not treating my kids like they'd committed a crime when an "accident" happened. I wish I could say that I succeeded every time but I confess that sometimes I reacted like my parents did. When I did I usually apologized to the kids and told them that it wasn't their "fault." I can't even begin to say how healing it is to treat my parents differently than they treated me. It somehow feels like coming full circle - first attempting to parent in a healthy way and then to parent my parents in a new healthy way. Another gift from this time of caring for them. As I think about this, I wonder if that is how we are blessed as we "honor our father and mother?"

Lest you think that I'm always gracious, always completely loving, always giving...well it's simply not true. I have times when it all threatens to overwhelm me and Mom's attitude appalls me. I get frustrated with Dad when he tells Mom that she cannot leave him - that he has to die first. I'm sometimes grossed out by the personal care and tempted to go down the path of "and it could get so much worse..." I have days when little things can set me off (yesterday I dropped Mom's pill container and pills went all over the floor and I sheepishly admit that the "s" word that rhymes with admit came flying out...and then I found the humor.) Sometimes I hope that this time will not last forever and the end will come sooner rather than later (and then I worry that I'll have guilt when they do die because I've actually wanted them to.) Yet the gift of this time, is time. Time to reflect, time to see the grace in little moments, time to love unselfishly when I don't feel like it, and time to trust that God is in control and I only have this day to live in His grace. And time to give myself grace when I have a crappy and self-centered attitude. So many gifts, so much unknown and so much peace when I give it all over to the Author of Time.

And now it's time to end this post, get dressed for the day and finish painting their bathroom door!

Where Does Her Mind Go?

I just finished checking on Mom this morning and she was really out of it. I think she knew who I was but everything else was up for grabs. Sometimes her delusions are funny or sweet like the time a couple of days ago when she was so worried for Dad. I asked her how her night had gone and she said it was "really shocking." When I asked her what was shocking she turned to Dad and said, "do you want to tell her or should I?" Since Dad was asleep I asked her to just tell me and with really big eyes she said "he was supposed to marry her and she broke off with him and married someone else." I thought it was kind of sweet that she was so worried about Dad's broken heart and wondered if that had really happened to him. Later on, when she was back in reality, I asked her if that had happened with Dad and she thought maybe it had - a long, long time ago. On another occasion she asked me if I'd seen what she'd been doing - cleaning the house (wouldn't that be nice? :0) After I gave her pills to her I said she better go back to sleep after all that work!

This morning, however, she was really frightened and nothing seemed right to her. She asked why did she have to be in this little place that was so hot? There were concerns about not getting enough to eat "they only feed me little sticks, I'm not kidding." Which I think might be a reference to the snack of pretzels I gave her the night before. You see, she'd had a rough day yesterday and just wanted to stay in bed all day. There were lots of tears and feeling sorry for herself so I spent time praying with her and encouraging her to count her blessings. Right now the glass is less than half empty and, while I don't want her to dwell in her misery, I do get that life is so out of control for her. She sometimes says " I just want to die" and I walk a fine line of encouraging her to live each day to the fullest and also let go and know that death is not this terrible thing but only birth to her next life. Does she believe that? This also taps into my fears (nothing like seeing your once all-knowing Mother shaking with fear) and I find myself going back to my faith, time and time again.

I did finally get her up for awhile and she usually rallies then and has a pretty good evening. Yesterday was a different story and after giving her a really late lunch I was trying to give her a snack so that we could have dinner together - that's the reason for the pretzels. She couldn't make it and went back to bed before we had dinner. Now I know that I should've gotten her up and fed her dinner anyway. Dad joined her about 7:30 because he knows how much she likes to have him with her (at one point this morning she said, "I just want Dad with me, holding my hand.") And I think he was also really tired. I checked on them before I went to bed, gave them all their nighttime meds and they seemed to be in good spirits. I sometimes wonder if that much time in bed is what gives her the really vivid delusions. She had really wet her depends and even the bed and that makes her really disturbed (who could blame her?) So after getting her up, changing her, putting down a towel and feeding her a banana she snuggled back into bed. I just went back and checked on her and she was much better. She said to me - "this place is so much better than that other place!" And so I wonder, "where did her mind go?" and why is it so scary?!

Parenting our Parents cont'd

I realized that I never finished my account of February 22nd - how we got to the place that we're at. I'm going to attempt to finish that account of this ongoing story. If for no other reason than to remind myself how God has led me through this process.

Be forewarned that this one is REALLY long!

The weekend I went to see Mom settled into rehab was traumatic for me. Seeing them sitting together and the fear in Mom's eyes when we had to leave her at night was excruciating. She claimed that she was being abused and shoved onto her bed and while I only saw kindness and caring from the staff....well, we weren't with her 24/7 so I couldn't be sure. Then there was the issue of Dad being left in the apartment alone - that was not working so we needed to move him into assisted living at Bonaventure (my brother calls it Bon Voyage). I became convinced that if we left Mom at that rehab facility she was going to die there; and my brother John agreed with me. What to do next was the big question?

On Monday I had it all arranged to get Dad moved into a one bedroom assisted living unit at Bonaventure. My big, strong nephews had the day off and they were planning to come help me move a couple pieces of big furniture - just enough for Dad to get by on. I spent the morning moving his clothes, toiletries and a few kitchen essentials. I was on my way to rehab so that Dad could sit with Mom while the boys were helping me and something very unexpected happened - my van just stopped working. I pulled over to the side of the road all the while watching my neat little plan unraveling. I called John and he came to get Dad to take him to Mom and I found a towing company that could get someone to me in 30 minutes. When I got to the Honda dealership it turned out the part was not too difficult, they had time and they could get it done by 5pm. So John met me at the dealership and graciously let me take his big diesel truck so I could get Dad and go back to moving him (all the while trying to get his work done - once again I want to thank John and especially his wife Alex for all the ways they cared for our parents in the midst of very busy schedules and demanding jobs.!)

After getting my van back, Dad and I headed to Bonaventure and began tackling moving his TV so that he'd have something to watch. One of the caregivers there, Tammy, just "happened" to be there during the morning and she'd already helped me to move his bed. A side note about Tammy is that we'd made connections on earlier visits and found out we have a mutual love for Jesus and "healing rooms." In case you don't know about them, they are wonderful places to go for prayer and healing of all sorts and they're springing up all over. Tammy had become a friend and advocate for our parents and prayed for them regularly so I wasn't surprised (too much) when she "happened" to be there just when I needed her.

So that evening we got a cart and started to move a few of the bigger items. Since Dad was having trouble walking, I convinced him to sit on the dolly and hold his big flat screen TV while I rolled him down the hall. I have to admit that it looked ridiculous so when one of the caregivers saw us and started cracking up - we just had to join in. Then, like an answer to prayer, all of the sudden John showed up and we were able to move the love seat and dining room table and Dad was set. But by now it was too late for me to head back to Seattle so off to John's house I went to spend the night - exhausted and wondering "why I was still in Wenatchee?" I don't believe anything happens by accident so I began praying and asking for wisdom on what to do next. I hardly slept that night and at 4:30 called my sister Gail who was in Chicago (or one of the many other places she frequents for work) and talked over all my concerns with her. A major concern was that Dad was not doing well with Mom gone and would go looking for her in the night. They are so used to each other always being there .... it's almost like losing your limbs - half of you. I got up and went back to Bonaventure to their old two bedroom unit to shower and get ready for the day. At 5:30 am I called my two dear friends/prayer buddies (who were meeting at our regular Tuesday morning Starbucks prayer time in Lake Forest Park). I needed their prayer/wisdom/support and the minute I heard their sweet voices I began to cry. Immediately they began to speak the word of the Lord to me - I knew it was because it ministered deep into my soul and provided a light in what seemed a dark tunnel. They told me that I was looking for a short term solution when I needed a long term one. They also said that I needed to tell my parents that I love them and want them with me. This was true (as a family we had already decided that we needed to move them to Seattle to be centrally located but were trying to find the right time and way to break the news). After listening to them and being prayed for, I was in a whole new space. Now with a light heart and easier steps I made my plans for the day - to get Dad back with Mom and talk things over with them. I did so with the confidence that this is what God wanted me to do. Mom was so relieved and even Dad accepted this (although you should've seen his eyes when we told him what we were thinking. Change can be difficult at any age but especially hard when you're 91!) I think he realized how Mom was giving up and he was willing to do anything to get her back to a place of hope and interest in life.

So I headed back that day to Seattle and dove into finding just the right rehab for Mom. After asking around and visiting several places I settled on Manor Care in Lynnwood which was a pendulum swing in the right direction from where she was in Wenatchee. We started the process of getting her transferred (thanks to lots of help from John) and here's where the details start to get fuzzy. At some point I headed back to Wenatchee to help get the final pieces of their lives at Bonaventure moved out. Before I got there, the big two bedroom had been emptied and cleared out and a storage unit had been rented (by brother Greg). I think that I didn't get there until Sunday afternoon but prior to that, Mark, Gail, Greg, John and his family and Adrienne had been working all weekend on cleaning the house out, the apartment and taking things to storage. Really...I don't know how we would've done it without everyone doing their part.

Here is where I need to interject one of the biggest blessings during this year of upheaval and that is how it has brought all of us siblings together. Even more than when our brother Neal died (and that bonded us as well) but this time we have all seen that our love for our parents and each other has been a life saver and a deep joy. I KNOW this is not always (or possibly even usually) the case. Many families fall apart in times of crisis and take out their stress, grief and pain on each other. We are not that close (in proximity or emotionally) and have differing views on politics and religion but our love for each other and our parents supersedes all that. Hmmmm, perhaps there is a wider application to our experience. Could it be that love, or lack thereof, is truly the crisis our nation is facing? Or even our world? But I digress....whatever the lesson to be learned, I am extremely grateful for the ways that each of us has been able to rise above our woundedness and differences and let love motivate our actions. Here's to you, dear brothers and sisters....you are truly the best part of my childhood and I can't imagine life without any one of you.

The next phase of this journey was to actually get Mom and Dad to Seattle. Gail drove them in our van and has her own story to tell of stopping to go to the bathroom. I went ahead of her in our little car (oh, yeah which Greg had to fix up for us since it was missing a brake light and Gail got pulled over in it. I almost forgot that piece!) Somehow I missed her call that they needed to stop so she had to do it without me (and Mom was using a wheelchair at that point:0) John followed us with his truck full of bed, TV and other essentials so that we could set Dad up in our house. We got Mom to rehab and settled her in and then took Dad back to our house where John had already set up his room.

After John and Gail went back to their homes, we settled into a routine where Dad would spend days with Mom at Manor Care and I would work and then go get him in the evening. It was a wonderful godsend that Adie could come down some days and her son, Will, also pitched in with the transportation and visiting. Sometime during the three weeks that Mom was at Manor Care, our daughter Hannah had a week off from college. She'd asked, much earlier, if her friend Claire could stay with us that week since home for her was Hawaii and too far to go. We, of course, said yes not having any idea what that her bedroom would be Grandpa's and they'd have to bunk in the basement :0). They were great sports and ended up helping quite a bit with cooking and transportation of Dad.

During this time I was really wrestling with wanting to move them in with me when Mom was finished with rehab. The rest of the family thought I was crazy (and I did too, sometimes) but the main thing that stopped me was lack of restroom facilities to accommodate Mom. That and the craziness of my job. So I resigned myself to the choice that Gail and I had found when she came to help with the move. We had decided on Aegis - an upscale retirement home with assisted living that was 1.7 miles from my house. The weeks in rehab were filled with physical therapy and visits from family and while she was making some progress, there were always scenes of Dad not wanting to leave her and her desire to spend most of her time in bed. She also claimed that they were abusing her but begged me not to say anything because then they would take it out on her. The one she was most afraid of was Lisa her physical therapist. I knew this to be delusional because I observed Lisa with her and she was the one who diagnosed Mom's Parkinsons. She pushed Mom but always with love and cheerfulness. On the last day she told Mom that she'd been influenced by her to pray and even go back to church. That goodbye scene made me cry as I thought about how afraid Mom had been in that place and yet God was still able to draw others to Himself through her.

After 3 weeks at Manor Care, Mom seemed to stop progressing and was withdrawing again. Being separated from Dad was taking a toll and she still believed she was being abused. One Sunday afternoon we found her sitting in her wheelchair, parked next to the nurses station. Her eyes were as big as saucers and she looked terrified. We took her back to her room and she started to cry. She didn't want to make waves and she was miserable sitting there but too afraid to say anything. I realized then that they didn't know what was best for her and it was time to get Mom and Dad back together. I found out that rehab could be done at home so we started the process to get them moved into Aegis. Once again, it took a group effort from Greg, John, Gail and me to get them settled in. Good times have been had around packing and unpacking boxes and suitcases - getting smaller and more condensed with each successive move. Little did we know then, that in eight months we'd need to do it all over again.

So I now settled into a routine of checking in on them daily or at least several times a week. When they first moved in, Mom was in a wheelchair and needed help with almost everything but being back with Dad was great medicine (as well as the home health care) so it wasn't too long before she was walking again and needing help mainly to shower. The Evergreen Home Health program was wonderful and gave us many suggestions for ways to help both parents succeed. Mark became a vital part of their care as he partnered with me in finding supplies they needed, building platforms to lift up their chairs, taking them to appointments and coming once a week to spend time with them. Mark has become my co-parent and really don't know if I could do this without him. I'm quite sure I couldn't.

The past eight months have been a blur of visits and appointments. I joke that one appointment always leads to three more and this has been true with visits to the dentist, optometrist, neurologists (they each have their own), cardiologist, dermatologist and primary care physician. We've discovered a backlog of health issues and have been working through them as they come up. One major issue for Mom was a recurrence of skin cancer on her nose which had to be removed. Their primary care physician, Dr. Lee, noticed it and had us go to a dermatologist who then referred us to a specialist which resulted in minor surgery. I say minor but when they called me in to go over the post surgery care (and before they bandaged her up) I almost gasped. The stitches ran from between her eyes, down her nose and then followed the line in her face to the corner of her mouth. It's healed up really nicely but it sure shocked me when I first saw it. None of us expected it to be that extensive so it really threw her for a loop. I spent the first night with them at Aegis to make sure she didn't get behind on her pain medication and that was when I discovered how goofed up she was on her sleeping patterns. At 3:30 in the morning she was wide awake, looking for a snack and talking a mile a minute. Poor Dad was following her around and trying to find candy bars (she has a terrible sugar jones but so do I so I must come by it honestly:0) so I sent him back to bed and got her a healthy snack. Finally I understand his exhaustion and why she wants to sleep during the day.

(As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the monitor and hearing her talking to him - she's awake and has been for the past 3 hours. It started with a fall in the bathroom and I've been monitoring her since. I'm not sure if this is typical - Dad wouldn't complain, but once again I get why he's been so tired of late.)

The sleepover helped me to see that they were coming to the end of their time at Aegis. Mom had begun withdrawing again and Dad had told Mark that he "hated it there." For my part, I hated the sense that they were "parked" there. One day while passing through the lobby, they saw someone being taken away in an ambulance. Dad remarked, out loud, "that's how we're all going to leave here." At first Adrienne was appalled but we laughed about it later.

The final realization that I was called to care for them in our home came through a series of circumstances outside of what was going on with them. First of all, there was the sense that I was finished with my call at Lake Forest Park Presbyterian. I knew that it was time to move on from there but wasn't sure what was next. I was actively seeking what God had for me next but didn't know what, where or when. Secondly, I was realizing that with Hallack's new position as interim pastor at North Creek Presbyterian, he was going to be much less able to pick up the slack at home. He would have longer hours, more responsibility and be further from home. I knew that it would be important for me to be around more for Ben (especially since Bekah would be headed off to college in the fall.) The final piece of the call fell into place the week that Bekah was trying to make her decision on which school to attend. Her first and best choice had been George Fox but the financial aid there was quite a bit less than the other schools so we'd ruled it out. She really agonized over the rest of her choices and I finally said to her, "Bekah, if money weren't the issue, where would you go?" and without a moment's hesitation she said, "George Fox." All along we'd felt that it was the right place for her but the lesser aid was an issue. I have been working hard at not letting money be the final determining factor on anything and putting my trust in God instead but paying for college is a big challenge. A faith stretcher. In the moment that she said "George Fox" it all came together for me. In my mind I saw all the tumblers from a combination fall into place (just like what happens when unlockng a big safe) and I knew what I was being called to do - move our parents into our home. That revelation came the last week in April and now, five months later, it's a reality. Oh, it took a lot to get here: untangling myself from my position at Lake Forest Park, remodeling a bathroom, cleaning out space to incorporate their household into ours, shuttling two girls off to college as well as transforming Hannah's room into one for Mom and Dad . I'm still finishing up trim work and have more painting to do but every week we get a little more settled in. Who knows how long this will be? Only God does and wisely has not given me roadmap but just enough light to take it "one day at a time."

I've marveled at all that has gone on these past 10 months and am truly grateful for this opportunity to be stretched in uncomfortable ways. I try to remind myself, when it seems a bit too much, that diamonds are formed under great pressure and nothing worth doing is ever easy. That helps a bit but what helps the most is knowing that I'm learning to "honor thy father and mother, that it may go well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." I learned that commandment so many years ago in catechism but am now learning how to live it each day.