Dad has a walker!

There is a new contraption in sitting in our living room - a beautiful blue walker.  Gail came for a visit last week and was able to convince Dad that a walker would really help him.  Then they picked out a really nice one with four wheels, brakes, basket and a seat.  He used it on his trip to the library this week and even made his arms tired (a good sign!)  I'm so grateful for Gail's ability to come in and make suggestions that help us all function better and then actually get it done.   I now find myself in the hilarious position of traffic controller since getting them in and out of the bathroom and bedroom takes a little maneuvering.

As grateful as I am that Dad has some relief for his left foot; I find myself struggling with the reality of how much he has failed this year.  This is where I run smack dab into my deepest desire to still play god.  As I see him mentally failing and bewildered over Mom's condition, I find myself wanting to fix things.  When I see them both sleeping more frequently and our house feels more like a nursing home, I have to ask myself, "what did you expect?"  Now with Dad succumbing to the need for a walker (one that he fought for so long), I cannot deny how much they are failing.  The evidence is parked right in front of me. 

I just started reading a new book from the library called "The Art of Dying and Living."  I can tell that it's going to be another timely read that will help me in this journey toward death (both my own and those of Mom and Dad).  I live with impending death (we all do but it has moved in with us in a more imminent manner) and yet I can still keep "death-denial" alive.  It is amazing to me how I can continue to expect Mom and Dad to get stronger and better.  Where does that come from?!  I have no doubt that this is changing me in powerful ways and I'm still very grateful for this opportunity.  I choose to embrace the quote from the first chapter of the book: "keep death and judgement always in your eye; none's fit to live but who is fit to die."  This is my challenge and one of the many gifts that have come with caring for Mom and Dad.

Conversation with Mom

I've been in to see Mom several times this morning...to give her pills, talk with her about getting up and each time she has sent me away. Nay, begged me to leave her and I have done so even though she is wet (and that is usually motivation for her to get up.) This last time she told me that she wants to get out of here. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Where do you want to go?
Mom: To my own house where I won't be bossed around every minute of every day.
Me: Are you ready to take care of yourself? Make your own meals?
Mom: Um hmmm
Me: What is it that you don't like about being here?
Mom: Well none of us are happy, doesn't that make you feel bad?
Me: I know it's hard for you to not be in control. Do you know that I love you?
Mom: Not really, it doesn't seem that way.
Me: Well I do love you and I hope you can trust that I'm taking care of you in the best way I know how. Do you know who you are?
Mom: I don't think so.
Me: Do you know who I am?
Mom: No.
Me: Well how about I come back in about 40 minutes and then we'll get you into something dry?
Mom: I suppose so.
Me: Are you warm enough?
Mom: Not really (at which point I covered her up and let her settle back into sleep.)

It always helps to remember that she's not really herself and doesn't really know where she is when she's angry and somewhat mean. How hard it must be for a woman who was always so in control of her life to be out of it! I go back and forth between wanting to let her have her way and then making decisions that I think are for her best. Should I just leave her in bed all day? Is that really what she wants? Do I quit getting her up to go to the bathroom and for meals and to go out for her doctor's appointments? Am I prolonging her life for selfish reasons? Really, I'd like some help with this! Perhaps it really is time for a hospice evaluation and for both Dad and me to let her go. I appreciate all prayers in regards to this. She really deserves to live out her last days in the ways that bring her the most peace. When I told the caregiver counselor that Mom said 'I only want to do what pleases me' she said to me "good for her!" I'm learning to look at it that way as well.

The Unbanked

Yesterday I heard a broadcast on NPR about the unbanked and read it again in the Seattle Times today.  In it the FDIC recommends to banks that "poorer Americans could be good customers, and their numbers are growing." 

This took me right back to a time nearly two years ago where I was walking in the woods and came across some papers.  I looked them over to see if they were important and was shocked at what I found.  First thing I noticed was a stack of expired lottery tickets and then a pawn ticket as well as a receipt from Aurora Loans.  What was so shocking was the terms of the loans.  Bear in mind that this is what is charged to people who have very limited income, no credit and dream that a lottery ticket will be their way out of poverty.

For the pawn shop (for which a set of golf clubs was left) the loan amounted to $60 with an upfront cost of $14.75.  That is a apr of 136.88% - not a mystery since it's listed right on the paperwork.  In order to retrieve the clubs, the owner would have to pay $77.50 in 30 days or $80.25 in 60.  If the clubs are not retrieved within 60 days they still have to pay the interest of $20.25 and lose the rights to reclaim the property.

As shocking as those terms are, they paled in comparison to Aurora Loans which financed $40 with a $19.75 finance charge (a %200.24 apr)!  This loan has been secured due to the "pledged goods" of a .22 rifle.  Since the maturity date is 90 days, if the loan is repaid within 30 days the finance charge drops to $15.25 but the kicker is that if it's not repaid within 90 days, the loan will need to be rewritten for another $19.75.  It doesn't take a financial wizard to figure out that a person desperate for money can get caught and drown in debt very quickly.

This underscored for me the importance of microfinance (which Muhammad Yunis first began with Grameen banks in India).  Microfinance has had success with the poorest of the poor around the world, some of whom pool together their resources and then make loans to each other.  It is very empowering for many reasons but one in part is the self respect that comes with handling moderate funds and paying them back with a reasonable interest rate.  I've wondered, in the past two years, whether or not this is something that communities of faith should be doing for one another.  When I was in Rwanda in 2010, I heard of a group of women who microfinanced themselves to a combined networth of $800,000.  Talk about being empowered!  Contrast that with overseas organizations that continually look to America to meet all their financial needs.  Contrast that also to the single mom trapped in the vicious cycle of poverty who's been told time and again that she'll never amount to anything.  I think the time is now for the people of God to come together and help people find their inherent giftedness by God.  We need to quit playing god to the people who come to us for help and lead them to the One who made them and sees them as the "unrepeatable miracles" that they are.  We need to ask them what their strengths are and what they think they need.  And this can only happen in the context of an equal relationship - one where both parties kneel before the gracious God who loves and has given each of us all that we have.  They need this and so do we.