A Lot to be Thankful For

Despite my return culture shock, I had a delightful Thanksgiving. Eighteen of us gathered at my sister-in-law's house and we enjoyed scrumptious food, thoughtful conversation and laughed ourselves silly during telephone pictionary (if you've never played this game with creative, warped minds...well you must at least once in your lifetime! Just google telephone pictionary to get the rules:) I had an opportunity to talk about Africa and share some stories and that always helps me to keep the experience alive for me. Sometimes, I almost wonder if I dreamed the whole experience...it's that wierd to come back into my family and be the only one who's had my life view radically altered. I really do feel like a square peg in a round hole. Any suggestions on how to do this gracefully and graciously?

Today I had a thought about reconciliation that I learned from Philbert (the man who heads up REACH which stands for Reconciliation, Evangelism And Christian Healing). He told us that when they talk with the victims of genocide he uses the analogy of being bitten by a snake. He tells the survivors that they have a poison inside them that is only hurting them. They need to get the poison out so that they can heal and be whole again. Reconciliation is getting the poison out. That reminded me of a 12 step saying: "resentment is the poison you drink, hoping someone else will die." We all have hurts from the past.... all of us. Unless we actively work on reconciliation and forgiveness we let the poison rule our lives. If the victims of genocide can do it (and they do) certainly I can find a way to work out the poison that is circulating in my marriage; with former colleagues; with anyone I've hurt or been hurt by. I pray the same for you - get the poison out. Go to God, admit you're powerless to do it on your own, and then let Him show you how. Here's to a reconciled tomorrow that begins with a surrendered today.

Return Culture Shock (from a note to a friend)

I remember how hard it was for me when I returned from Thailand, a group of us who'd been overseas met mornings to try and process it all. I remember putting laundry soap in the dishwasher - telling my roommates that we, Americans, have to have a different soap for everything. Then Annie (my roommate) called me into the sea of suds in our kitchen - that was a funny incident. Some of the rest was not so funny.

This time, I'm just overwhelmed by my kid's constant needs (and they're good kids). I'm a bit appalled at how I've spoiled them. Today Hannah told me that she needs a mom who's not grumpy (this was after she said her third "we need....") I'd like to steer them in a different direction but maybe without so much grumpiness. I went to Costco today and almost threw up at the sheer volume and variety. I'm frustrated at my own consumerism and how I'm tempted to just fit right back into life as before. Then I think about the women and children and their extreme need. The dirty water they drink, the huts they sleep in, the children running alongside our van, asking us to bring them clothes back.....

On the way home from Costco, I was listening to NPR and they were having a "phone in and tell us what you're thankful for." I called in and they put me on - I can only pray that what I said didn't sound condemning but rather challenging. He kind of cut me off when I told the story about the kids running alongside the van.

When we got home, we discovered that Ben's bike had been stolen out of our driveway. In the middle of the day, with the girls home and the dog barking like crazy. I can't believe how violated I feel and have been asking myself - "why am I so angry?" So you can see, I'm in a turmoil. I can only pray and trust that God is using this disequilibrium to grow me. I knew that Africa would change me - welcomed it even. So I stand on faith that God wants to use it for my good. Even in the midst of the holidays. Well, I think I'll go find a Thanksgiving Eve service to attend. I was going to join Hallack but the police report for the bike took too long...darn.

I trust your Thanksgiving will be filled with the people you love. Mine will be and for that I'm very grateful.

Church in Transition

I believe that the Church in America is at a crossroads and has been for quite some time. For those of you who've heard my husband's preaching and would like to hear him once again, I urge you to listen to his sermon "Jesus has Left the Building". It can be found at the following address: http://www.ckpc.org/Sermons/tabid/3452/Default.aspx In it he gives an overview of the cultural shift that we're in and how we as the body of Christ need to respond to it. He used, in part, the materials that my pastor (Rose Swetman) gave him from her class on Church history. If you listen, be patient through the video clip (hard to listen to a video clip!) because he unpacks it for you when it's done. I really miss hearing him preach.

The trip to Africa has solidified my understanding of just how important it is for Christians in America to transition well. In addition to seeing how incredibly linked we are to the rest of the world (and how they look to us to make good decisions); I'm also so much more aware of how little decisions we make every day can add up to big changes down the road. I'm reminded of another of Hallack's sermons that has stuck with me to this day - the one on the Good Samaritan. In it he pointed out that what the Samaritan did was not over the top for his day. He did what he could with what he had. I think it really impacted me because growing up I thought it was a story of heroic proportions. Or as Hallack preached in another sermon on Moses - "what do you have in your hand?" Moses had a staff and God used that simple tool to transform the lives of the Israelites. (I'm going to stop gushing about Hallack's sermons, but really, he does have a gift for unpacking God's word in language I can understand).

So I'm challenging myself today with what I have in my hand and asking God to show me how to use it to bless others. I think that's the main reason I write on this blog - to tell the story of what God has allowed me to see and hopefully we'll all make some small changes with what we have to help another. Be the Good Samaritan today - with what you have in your hand and a prayer in your heart. You may never know how your one little act may mean a big change in someone else's life but God will. And, honestly, He's the only One we need to please.

Steven

The first person to greet us in Rwanda was Steven. He gave me permission to tell his story (even wrote something up) and so, I would like to introduce you to him. Steven is soft spoken with warm gentle eyes and an air of compassion that immediately puts you at ease. His ear to ear grin breaks out when he makes a joke or is convinced that he has served you in some way. He made our transition to Rwanda relatively easy and guided us through all our experiences in Rwanda (and patiently waited for us while we grieved at the memorials).

Steven was born in Uganda, the fourth child of six, who by the age of five was the only one left. The rest of his family was killed in the war and Steven comments, "how I escaped the orgy that killed my family, I have no idea about." It wasn't until he was 12 and told his story to a man that he realized how devastating his circumstances were. The man told him that if he had experienced what Steven had he "would have drunk poison and died," and that it would be better for "someone like me to die and follow his mum and dad than live all his life in horrible Situation." This powerful suggestion actually led Steven to make several attempts on his life - all of which were thwarted by the unexpected appearance of others and the grace of God. Finally, in 1986, some "people who loved Jesus" took Steven to an orphanage where he met Dorothy Tenywa. She painted a new picture for Steven by telling him that even though he'd lost his parents that God loved him and that he could still have a bright and beautiful future. Over time and through the love of Dorothy, he believes that the Lord helped him to overcome "the pinch of worry and sadness." In the orphanage he learned to read and write and eventually another caring woman took him to Kampala where he learned tailoring skills. There he met a pastor named Paul who mentored Steven and lived together with him for four years.

In 1996 his life took a dramatic turn. Steven was invited to come to Rwanda to preach and since it was soon after the genocide, the stories were raw and reminded him of his own pain and suffering. He then chose to stay in Rwanda and help the many widows and orphans he came into contact with. As Steven told us, he was going door to door to tell people about the love of Jesus when he kept encountering nothing but widows and orphans. He decided that what he needed to do was form an association and work to help get them skills in order to support themselves. The women make baskets, crochet and dye cloth in order to feed and educate the members of their association. While in Rwanda, we had the privilege of seeing a sewing machine delivered to the women that some friends in our area had raised the money for. This is another step in helping them to help themselves and it was a joy to be a part of it.

In addition to the orphanage, Steven has helped to organize soccer teams to give focus and direction to orphaned youth who might otherwise be led into less desirable activities. On top of all this, he has 19 children and 3 widows living with him in a small house in Kigali. The house has been condemned by the government because part of the wall collapsed during the last heavy rains and injured several of the children. Steven's story reminds me of the early years of Greg Mortenson (Three Cups of Tea) because he has written nearly 500 letters trying to get support "to really help get this widows and orphans out of their difficulties." Global Support sends Steven a check every other month to help with his expenses but he has so much more need. Even so, he carries on his ministry to others with compassion and a joy that can only come from being in the center of God's will. I have been changed by the amazing gift it has been to get know Steven. My joy will be enlarged if his story touches you in some way as well and if you remember him and his ministries in your prayers.

Why Should I Care?

After flying for 20 hours and hanging out in airports for another 18 (well, except for the 4 hours we spent walking around Amsterdam - an unexpected treat!) we are finally home. It is beyond good to be here and I'm reveling in the usually taken-for-granted comforts of hot, clean water, clothes machines, clean sheets and the hugs and kisses of my family. We met amazing people on every leg of our journey and my hope is to introduce them to you as time and memory allow.

Today, as I walked our dog in the woods, I kept thinking about why I should care about Africa and all that I've seen. I mean, I'm home now and it's far away and life can just go on as before, right? I don't think so and I don't want it to be so. The faces, the pain, the joy of each and every one that I interacted with are indelibly printed on my heart and have changed me forever. Even those with whom I did not speak a common language have communicated with my spirit through the language of the eyes, the language of the heart. I can't pretend I haven't seen their pain, I don't want to forget that I am convinced that God cares deeply for their situations and wants us to care as well. I was reminded by Leigh that Brian McLaren has eloquently written about this very truth in his book Everything Must Change. Another book that is on my short list to read.

So, I do care. I want to care. I want to experience God's love for people - all people and that means being willing to feel the pain. There is a lot of heartache in this world and I don't have to go to Africa to experience it. The pain, the joy, the fullness of life are as close as my next door neighbor. Hallack told me that he had a run in with one of our neighbors over the toilet papering that the cross country boys did to our house while I was gone. It happened during a big rain storm and really made a mess (and some of it ended up in his trees.) He was furious and even threatening when he talked to Hallack and I've been wondering what really upset him? What is going on in his life that made this seemingly insignificant event so overwhelming? And I've been praying for him. And while I'm praying for him, I'm also praying for our new friends in Africa. And for the Towne family. And for anyone else that God brings to my heart.

So thank you, once again, for giving me this opportunity to have my heart broken and mended and expanded in ways I'm only beginning to suspect. And I owe it all to you. Thanks a lot.

Back to Rwanda

We are leaving Burundi today and heading back to Rwanda for our last two days. I've enjoyed Burundi more than Rwanda but it will be good to go back there and visit with our new friends for a couple days before we head home. We will go to church in Kigali, shop in the market, have meals with friends - no more heavy, sad, visits to memorials.

We have seen extreme poverty here in Burundi but the people have been so joyful that it's been more balanced. The students in the house we visited have really captured my heart. After visiting the villages that they've come from, it is even more amazing to see how they're adapting to life in the city. Last night we had our farewells with the students - but before that, we met with Evariste and Etienne to hear, once again, how grateful they are that we came to Burundi. I also helped Evariste to set up a blog - that was an unexpected delight since I'd never consider myself to be a computer whiz (just ask my kids!) but blogger makes it so easy. I look forward to reading his blog and keeping up with news of the students. Unless Evariste changes his address, it is www.youthbatwa.blogspot.com/

Afterwards we shared with the students a bit about our culture and then gave them a chance to ask us questions. I used my polar bear puppet to have some fun with them and they enjoyed it. After I had put him away, Etienne (the parliament member) asked me if he could have the puppet! Of course I said yes, so now they have a (mostly) white puppet to play with. It will be interesting to find out what they do with him :). When it came time for them to ask us questions, I was amazed by the depth of concern they have for the villages they've come from. They wanted to know what we thought and then came many pleas for help. We have heard and seen their extreme need before and what impressed me this time is that these students want what they have for more and more students. They know that this is just a start and that many more Batwa need to have opportunities for education. There is a great sense of community and commitment to their families that won't allow them to focus solely on themselves.

As they put their requests to us: more student houses, computers, higher education, even opportunities to study abroad (and this does not even touch the extreme poverty in the villages), I was tempted to get overwhelmed. Or to feel that we have to be the answer to their problems. Instead, I'm convinced that God has heard their cries and prayers and that He is at work bringing solutions. I want to help and that means listening and trusting God. I encouraged them to stand on their faith and to continue to pray. Evariste then quoted to me a verse that I'd shared with him on the van trip upcountry: "For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God." Galatians 3:14 (The Message) I stand on the truth that God must be the Engineer of any plan to help the Batwa. I invite you to pray for them as well. They are precious in His sight (and now in our sight as well.)

I think this will be my last posting until we return home on Tuesday. I have so much more to process and post and will do so in the days and weeks to come. I want to thank you again for your prayers, support and for following this journey to Africa. We are aware that there is an economic crisis gripping the world and that fear is a great temptation for us all. I ask you to go more deeply into love and to reject fear - the great enemy of love. Love is the answer and this is the time for believers to demonstrate it. In deep peace, amahoro, Heidi

youth batwa

I am here at the community house in Burundi and showing Evariste how to set up a blog.

The Close of our Time in Burundi

Today is our last full day in Burundi and it will be spent visiting the market and then preparing for our evening with the Batwa students. Every Friday night they gather for dance after their evening meal, in order to keep their culture alive. They welcomed us with dance last Saturday and after visiting several villages, we now see why dance is so important to them. As Evariste (our host) has explained to us, he dances when he is happy, when he is sad, when he is hungry, when he has had a good meal - all the time he dances. So tonight we are to come back and share in their dancing as well as give them a taste of American culture. Leigh has convinced me to do something with the puppets I brought - but what? I've been pondering that. I decided not to bring my polar bear puppet into the villages because the small children are afraid of him - the students will not be and I do think they'll enjoy him.

Yesterday morning, when we were still upcountry, I got up early and sat on a wall that overlooked the mountains across and the valley below. I was listening to one of the worship songs that Bekah put on the ipod - the words, "everywhere I go, I see You" reverberating in my head. It is true - I see God in the faces, in the joy, in the pain, in the hurt and I know that He has heard the prayers of these poor, marginalized, ostracized people. As I sat on that wall, I noticed a woman down the hillside a ways, peering up at me. I smiled and waved at her and she was shortly joined by another woman, then a child and then another child, all smiling and waving at me. I could only imagine that they were wondering what this crazy woman was doing on the wall and so I gestured to the beauty before me - the texture, hues and sculpture of lush green gardens. It appears that this land can't wait to give back produce when cultivated. I'm realizing that I now care deeply about Africa. God cares deeply about Africa.

Upcountry Burundi

We are back in Bujumbura after several days in the country. It was quite an experience to be in the mountains and to see the magnificent vistas. I'm going to paste Leigh's account of the dancing at the end of this post but wanted to first tell my experience in one of the hotels we stayed in. I use the term loosely since it was not like anything I'd experienced before. The room we were given had an intense mildew smell and we struggled to feel comfortable in it. The single flourescent bulb cast long shadows, but enough for us to see the flying ant carcasses littering the floor and the glow-in-the-dark peach colored mosquito netting with potato bugs. As we crawled into the damp sheets we teased each other about whining and said a prayer that we would sleep through the night. I did wake up at 1 am but had an entirely different attitude. By then the sheets had dried by the heat of our bodies and the netting was doing it's job keeping out the mosquitos. I began thinking of the Batwa, many of whom live in grass huts that don't even keep out the rain. Dirt floors to sleep on, no netting to protect them, showers a rarity and I could only imagine the insects that share their sleeping space. They are the poorest people I have ever seen - how could I complain about our situation? I lay there praying for them and for God to bless them in some way. I want to be a part of that blessing even if in some small way. And yet, they have blessed us with their joy. Unbelievable joy. Pouring out their joy with seemingly unlimited energy. I leave you now to read Leigh's wonderful account of their dancing:

Heidi and I have just returned from two days "up country" to visit some moreBatwa Villages and take a bit of a hike thru the Kibira Park, escorted by some of the villagers from the Batwa Village, Busekera. I wanted to give you a little vinette on the Batwa Dancing. You have to imagine the setting first of the poorest of people, clad in very ragged clothes. The youngest children wear torn t-shirts only that you would say has been rolling in the dirt for many, many days. The women are colorfully dressed, but not as bright, generally, as the rest of the population in Burundi. The men are wearing trousers and torn shirts, sometimes a ragged overcoat. All are mostly bare footed, but if not they will wear flip flops or plastic sandals. I think there was a recent run on bright yellow ones, however. ha ha ...many seem to have that one in particular. Quite cute...We are also up in the upper country, as they call it.. We gained elevation of maybe several thousand feet by car...So, it is all country side, rolling hills with terraced farming throughout. Banana plants, tea plants, potatoes and the like.When we come into the village, it doesn't take a minute before the dancing begins. First of all, they know we are part of the Community for Burundi, an organization that advocates for the Batwa people. So, we are friends...come with people that are steadfast and focused on helping the Batwa.The women and men both dance with incredible enthusiasm. Often it seems to begin with a group of ladies. The whistle (either regular whistle or a small pipe kindof whistle) goes into the mouth and then the feet begin to move in rhythm, the arms wave and the body follows. The sound of the bare feet hitting the dirt has a collective thump to it that propells forward the body and adds the rhythm necessary to frame the singing and dancing. They will shake their head in a circular fashion and follow with a twist of the feet and turn a 360 with their body. All the while chanting, singing a welcoming song to us with great gusto. The men jump in as soon as they hear the whistle blow and have an intensity and strength to their moves that add another competing yet compatible fit to the entire chorus. Even as we dashed into the shelter of the local pastor's home to avoid a downpour, much of the village remained outside still singing and dancing. After we toured the village and turned up the trail to our car, spontaneous songs broke out accompanied by the bare feet thumping the ground, hands clapping a great staccato beat. Throughout all of our visits to the villages we join them in dance, twirling,pounding our feet as best we can, of which they have a tickling delight. Scantily clad, many of them smelling as bodies that have infrequent washings(cannot afford soap), theirs is an infectious joy that they exude and which slips into your heart for the Batwa people of Burundi.

Prayers for the Towne Family

I've been following little Ben Towne's story and am heartbroken. Please continue to lift them up in your prayers. See previous posting for more information. Bless their final days together, Lord

Burundi Joy

Today is Sunday and we are in between an incredible worship service and our afternoon meeting. It is always a challenge to get time to update you since the internet cafes have rather slow connections - to put it mildly. I will never complain about our service again, I will never complain about our service again.....

As sorrowful as much of our time in Rwanda was is how joyful our welcome to Burundi has been. The Batwa people have welcomed us with amazing warmth and I feel as if I'm falling in love. Truly they have stolen our hearts with their stories, their hospitality and by inviting us into their lives. Last night we visited the home of Batwa students who live in Burundi in order to study, have electricity, get regular meals and all the support that comes from living in an intentional community. This home is a new endeavor since September and we are their first guests. We feel so privileged to see this incredible ministry in it's infancy. After being welcomed by each student, touring the home and feasting; the dancing began. I don't think I can give words to the experience and I'm not even sure the video will do it justice but I was so touched I had tears of joy. They even invited us into the dance and did so with some abandon. Sorry kids - I know you don't like to see me dance but it was sheer joy.

It's time to go so I'll have to write about the worship we experienced later. Glad to be here; glad to know that this week is going to be full of new people, sights and sounds. Much poverty but also much joy. Amahoro -peace, Heidi

Three Days in Rwanda

The past three days in Rwanda have been full. Steven has taken us to see his ministries and I have often wondered how he does it all? We have had some adventures and moments of hilarity. The first day as we were leaving the soccer game, the car that Steven hired got stuck in a ditch and the boys of the village had a great time helping to push it out. Then he coasted about a mile before he got it jumpstarted (he had to do that each time we started out!) We told Stephen that we thought public buses would suit us just fine (and they have!)

The past two days have been much more painful. Steven took us to the genocide memorial yesterday and today we went to a Catholic church where 10,000 people were killed and now the bones are kept. The clothes have been left on the pews and the bullet holes are still in the ceiling. Blood still stains the altar cloth. At the memorial, there were videos of survivors, pictures of the victims and the whole story was well documented. We have wept and prayed and asked God how this could be. I confess that I'm relieved that this part of our journey is over. I wish it could be so for the people of Rwanda for there is much healing still to be done.

Last night we enjoyed the company of Philbert, Fidel and EnFrancine who are part of an organization called REACH. They do reconciliation work with the people in the villages. Their hope and joy in the work that they're doing, was a balm for the sorrow of the day. We hope to see them again before we leave for home.

Tomorrow we leave for Burundi and wonder what God has in store for us there. Leigh and I seem to get along easily - I'm grateful for her experience and loving attitude with all whom she encounters. I'm enjoying this time together. Blessings on all of you - we continue to feel and appreciate your prayers. Murakowze (thank you)!

Obama in Rwanda

We woke up to the news this morning that Obama had won the election. Leigh heard the news from a Rwandan listening to the radio. It is amazing to be here in Africa and see how impacted the rest of the world is by our election. Our host, Steven, took us to buy a sewing machine for the village we were going to visit. As we walked into the shop, there was a big flat screen with Obama giving his acceptance speech - all of Africa has great hope that he will bring good change to the whole world. I pray that it will be so.

The village was almost beyond words. Steven found these women as he came to plant a church in this area. As he tells it, he was going door to door to tell them about the love of Jesus and found that all of them were either widows or orphans. He decided then that he had to do something for them and so formed an association. The sewing machine is the first step in helping them to better care for themselves. They already crochet, make baskets and tie dye cloth and the sewing machine should help them improve their productivity. They welcomed us with songs and dance and thanked us over and over again for coming and for the machine. Even though I can't speak their language, I did try to communicate love with my eyes and especially my spirit. Some of the women would light up and smile or connect with me but I'm sad to say that some are so wounded that they looked away.

We went into a house when the rain burst upon us and had fun doing puppets and listening to them sing. Steven also had them give testimonies and during one of them a baby started to verbalize. Her mom saw me smiling at the baby and handed her over to me. As I held that beautiful Rwandan baby with so much joy and life, I prayed that this would be a different world that she grows up in - a world where we take care to care and not to let genocide happen. It will take us being willing to share who we are and also what we have. Generously.

Later in the day, we were taken to another part of Kigali where Steven has organized a soccer team. This came about as he was visiting homes and discovered households of teenage boys who had lost their families to genocide. He was searching for a way to show them they're loved and to reach out to them. He decided that soccer would be a good tool and now they play with skill and enthusiasm. I loved watching them and couldn't help but think how soccer leagues in America could do so much for these boys and vice versa. Why not let our common love for the sport draw us together? I'd like to pursue that idea when I return.

So many other moments to tell but now is time to go have dinner and get another good night's sleep. I might have to have a beer as I'm not quite on Rwandan time. Thank you for your prayers - we feel them and know we're in God's Hands.

We're in Africa!

We arrived in Nairobi at 8:30 last night and got to our guest house by 10pm. The sights, sounds and smells of Africa are enticing. I woke from a somewhat fitfull sleep to the intermittent beep of our smoke alarm battery dying. After trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep; I got up, dressed quietly and slipped outside to walk around the grounds. Even in the dark I could sense the incredible beauty and variety of the flora & fauna. Some sort of large bird started squawking and several others answered back. I sat on a rope swing, dangling from an enormous tree and watched the sun bring the colors to life (I was enjoying the worship music that Bekah downloaded onto Ben's ipod - thanks kids!)

Leigh and I felt that our 24 hours of travel went very smoothly and quickly (although the toddler and her mom on their way back to India was a handful.) She sat right next to me and threw screaming fits every hour or so. I tried to help entertain her since her mom hadn't brought any toys or distractions. It brought back memories of traveling with our kids when they were little and I was grateful, once again, for what good travelers they've always been.

We leave shortly for the airport and in 5 hours will be in Rwanda! How amazing is that? I don't know how often I'll be able to get to a computer but will update as often as I can. Your thoughts and prayers are felt and appreciated.