Cullen

I'd like to introduce you to and request prayers for Cullen. This 14 year old boy is the son of a friend and his lungs are failing. He was holding his own for quite some time and had been put on the waiting list at Stanford for a lung transplant. They were waiting for his lungs to get much worse before they took this next step; a very difficult operation to save his life. That time appears to be coming and he will be going to Stanford next month. Life expectancy for a patient with a lung transplant is around 10 years. In addition, the quality of life of a lung transplant recipient is very compromised.

I'm asking you to fill up his prayer bowl with requests for healing. I continue to believe that God wants to heal him and that our prayers do make a difference. I'll keep you updated as to his status as the days go by. Standing on faith, Heidi

Standing Outside the Fire

We call them cool...those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
and risk the tables being turned

We call them fools ...who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
that always comes with getting burned

But you've got to be tough
when consumed by desire
cause it's not enough just to stand outside the bier

We call them strong...those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak....who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell-bent on giving
walking a wire
convinced it's not living
if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire, standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning ....deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly...higher and higher
I can't abide, standing outside.......the fire

Standing outside the fire, standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire, standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire, standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Garth Brooks

Chap Clark

Last night Hallack and I attended a gathering of adults who care about teenagers and listened to Chap Clark give us a heads up on the adolescents of today. My head is swimming and I'm trying to process all that I learned. Chap is on the faculty at Fuller Seminary in Pasadena and wrote his doctoral dissertation on youth in todays culture. To do so, he spent a year at a high school and immersed himself in their lives. Much of what he discovered and also information from other sources has been included in a book called Hurt. I would have to say that accurately describes my heart as I listened to the culture that our teens are trying to survive. It's not like when we were teenagers, it's much, much more difficult. I am very involved in the lives of our kids and their friends and Ive seen some of what he articulated for us, but not all of it. Not nearly all of it. I realized that I have been viewing their experiences through the lens of my high school days - 32 years ago!

So how was my high school experience? I have to admit that I tend to think of those being my glory years but if I'm really honest they were some of the most driven days of my life. I was doing everything in my power to be recognized. And I was - but it was short lived. After I graduated I ended up at a community college while most of my friends went off to prestigious universities. I was so lonely and felt so lost - where was my identity now? God graciously intervened in my life and I encountered Him in new and unexpected ways...but that's another story. I'm grateful now for the lessons I learned during those two years but it was a long way to fall for a big fish from a small pond. Like I said, that was 32 years ago.

Todays teenagers have even more pressure to succeed and less support than we did. They struggle to find their place through "performance, conformity and image." They are growing up in a world that is changing rapidly (what used to take 100 years to develop was compacted to 10 years, then to 1 and now it's even faster than that.) The economic crises, environmental catastrophes, population explosion, wars and genocides are overwhelming for mature adults - how does the future look for teenagers? Not so good. And all the time we're telling them to make their mark. No wonder my oldest, achievement-oriented daughter says that she doesn't want to grow up. Who can blame her?

After spending some time this morning, grieving and repenting of the ways I've contributed to my kids pressure to perform, conform and have a pleasing image, I came to a place of grace. I came to a place of gratitude. I surrendered them, once again, to my Heavenly Father who knows and loves them better than I can even begin to fathom. I reviewed all the ways that He has been with them, called out to them, loved them and intervened in their lives. I have failed them many times but He has not. I also know that my choice to invest in their lives has not been in vain. They know how important they are to me - how deeply they are loved by both their parents. I came back to my favorite proverb -10:12b "love covers over all wrongs."

Saying Goodbye to Ben

How heartwrenchingly touching was the memorial service for Ben Towne today. University Presbyterian Church was packed, overflowing with those who've been touched by his story (mostly through the honest expressions of hope and pain by his mom - Carin.) The music was moving; the message by Pastor David Rohr was personal, encouraging and had room for both hope and pain. The tributes given by his aunt, uncle and then by his mom made us all weep. It was amazing and I'm so glad that the little boy who lived with such fierce determination and touched so many lives was honored in this way. The part that gave me the most hope was the benediction by Dave Rohr - several Scriptures spoken together from memory. Love messages from God to a crowded sanctuary of people who really needed to hear them. Glorious.



As I left the church and made my way home I couldn't help but think how sad it is for parents to lose their children. It's not the natural order of things and yet it happens all the time. Then I started thinking of all the parents around the world who are losing their children to war, famine, dirty water, and preventable diseases such as malaria. I also thought of the children who've lost their parents to AIDS, genocide and war. And what about the children who have to be sold into slavery in order to provide food for the rest of the family? Who weeps for these children? I used to be able to turn away from all this injustice by saying I have enough to deal with in raising my own children and serving in THE CHURCH. I can't do that anymore. The deaths of Palestinian children in UN schools are a tragedy. They don't deserve being used as pawns in the battles for power anymore than my children do. The images of parents wailing over their little bloody bodies tear at my heart. I want it to tear at my heart. I want it to tear at yours. The senseless deaths of children are a travesty to love - no matter where they are in the world. No matter who they worship or what culture they were born into. God is on the side of the poor, the widow, the orphan, the prisoner - the powerless. And that includes the grieving. And He's with us as we come alongside those in need. Their faces are His face, asking us to care, to reach out, to make a difference. Just as thousands have reached out to the Towne family, to help carry their pain, we need thousands upon thousands to reach out to the poverty stricken, the war-torn, the disease carrying. That's the call of Love, the call that heals us.

The Women of Burundi

The vision for the poor women of Burundi is beginning to come into focus. Thank you to all of you who have let your hearts be touched and have given support. Gloriose has just sent me another document of her plans to help the women and I have to say that it overwhelms me.....until I remember that this is God's work and not mine. He's been preparing Gloriose for this for a long time and so He has the timetable and the support worked out. I'm simply a messenger and a voice calling out for change. Here is what Gloriose wrote to me earlier:

Sister Heidi,
Thank you so much for what you are doing for your burundian sisters you do not know yet, yes I am praying for that and I am sure that if my vision comes from God, He must provides because it is his will.
Psalm 68:4-7.
Much blessing, Gloriose from Burundi.

I looked up Psalm 68:4-7 in The Message, it says this:
Sing hymns to God, all heaven, sing out, clear the way for the coming of Cloud Rider. Enjoy God, cheer when you see Him! Father of orphans, champion of widows, is God in His holy house. God makes homes for the homeless, leads prisoners to freedom, but leaves rebels to rot in hell."

I think the psalmist is talking about the kind of rebels who only have their own interest at heart; like the rebels who're causing so much trouble in the Congo so that they can control the wealth of that country. "Rebels for Jesus" fight against the status quo and have the interest of widows, orphans, homeless and prisoners in mind. You are a rebel when you give yourself (time and money) to those who need you. And they need you! So keep Gloriose in your prayers - God is up to something big with her and I can't wait to see what it is!

Love Letters From God

A New Year, a new opportunity to trust more deeply in God and discover His love for us. I've been praying for several years now to fall more deeply in love with Jesus. I know He's answering that prayer and that it brings Him delight. I've been praying it because I've seen a few people who have such a sweet relationship with Him that it permeates everything they do. And I want to have that same sweet relationship.

One way that I do this is to listen to love songs - any kind, and interpret them as love songs from God. Almost every song works (some need a little modification) and I think this is true because our longing for love comes from, and can only be finally fulfilled in, Jesus. So I put on my headphones, grab the dog and head into the woods. If no one else is around, I even sing out loud (occasionally I've been caught by another dog owner but I just grin and keep going). I usually put the ipod on shuffle and just trust God to order the songs I need to hear for that day. Some really delightful times of worship have come from this practice. And some humorous ones as well - I find that God has a really funny sense of humor.

Lately, my loving Savior has reminded me that the Bible is full of His love letters to us. I've known this for a long time but somehow the "duty" of reading my Bible, the preparing of lessons, or the academic study of Scripture took most of the joy out of it. I'm so grateful that I've rediscovered His Voice of love in His Word. I know that it really helps me to read The Message translation because it slips behind my familiarity with Scripture and enables me to hear the Word afresh. This morning I was feeling encouraged to read Ephesians and a verse popped out at me that has struck me before:
"God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us." 3:20

In my prayers, in His love letters, in the worship at Vineyard, in our walks in the woods, I know that His Spirit is deeply and gently at work within me and I am ever so grateful.