Gloriose

I've been hearing more from Gloriose these past couple of days and it caused me to read back through all our communications. It encourages me so much to hear her words of faith and I know that she is truly living out the call to help the poor. One thing that really strikes me is that her whole ministry/calling has come about through listening. She got training in how to really listen. That is the first thing she does and then she can really discern what the need is. Sometimes it is the only thing she can do but even in the listening there is healing. Oh that we would all learn to listen better!

One part of her story that I did not tell in my earlier blog about her is that she has a son who has a brain tumor. He has been living with her sister in Sweden in order to get better medical care (I think he's been there for close to a year). He's finally scheduled for surgery on May 19th and she'd really like to be there with him. She wrote to ask for prayers for him and for her visa and then, when I probed a little further she admitted that she doesn't have the funds for the plane ticket. These are her words:

"This time I am waiting to the visa and I am asking financely some help to my brothers and sisters in Christ because I do not have the money for the ticket to go and to come back from Sweden, I have only money to pay for my visa, you can pray also for my ticket, I trust in my God , He knows my needs and he will provide, In my nature, I do not know to ask money for myself, but there are some situations I am not able to solve alone,so, if possible, some contribution would be useful for me."

I asked and now I'm wondering if there are some who'd like to join me in sending her some money for her ticket. I don't know how much she needs but God does and I think it would be a faith strengthener for all of us to see what comes in and then match it to her need. I've heard amazing stories about God answering prayer exactly without the people involved knowing the details. I think that'd be cool.

Flurry

The past week has been a flurry. What a funny word, "flurry"- kind of a cross between funny and blurry which is what a flurry is when you step back and examine it. So I'm looking back at my attempts to "be productive" and "get things done" and "make others happy" and it is kind of funny. And then I see that it's all been a bit blurry - unintentional, reactive, hectic. Not contemplative which is really my goal. And then I got sick - that slowed me down. Usually I get sick following a flurry which I believe is God's way of saying to me - take care of yourself. So yesterday I spent some time emailing a friend and she gave me some really good, counter- cultural advice. She said, "trust with patience, trust with prayer and trust. You have time." What wonderful, gracious words to a driven, people pleaser. I do have time; time to grow, time to process, time to listen. Time to be me.

Becomng Contemplative

Life has become much busier for me as my commitments have piled up. I'm reminded of my biggest temptation - to find my worth outside of myself (especially in the eyes of others.) I've been taking stock of my life the past couple years and have been moving toward becoming more contemplative. The past couple of months have felt like backward steps as I've said yes to some really worthwhile causes as well as increased my work load. The result is more stress with less time to process it - not a good combination. When I say that I'm becoming more contemplative, I mean that I'm learning to find my worth in my true self. My true self is my essence, my spirit, the self that existed before time and will continue even after my body decays. It is the self that was created by God and finds wholeness in God's will alone. It is the self that I enjoy, that brings life and is secure in God's love - even when significant others find me wanting. My true self is loving, gracious, wants the best for others and takes all setbacks in stride. My true self is emerging but only as I choose to live from authenticity and resist the cries from my false self. This is very hard to do since my false self has been calling the shots for a long time. Not impossible to do, but it does take time and intentionality to live in God's will and tune out the clamoring of my false self.

One way that the false self has gained power is through the "pulling myself up by my bootstraps" mentality that I adopted at a very early age. I know how to gut it out - what I'm less experienced at is surrendering, trusting and believing that God is in control. That's what faith is all about and that's what my true self is teaching me.

A quote that helps me to understand this is one by Frederick Buechner:

"but from her German forebears... the strongest faith she inherited was faith in hard work, in being careful with your money, in families staying together through thick and thin..., in the strength that comes from facing even what is vastly stronger than yourself. But when it comes to putting broken lives back together; when it comes, in religious terms, to the saving of souls- the human best tends to be at odds with the holy best. To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at it's harshest and worst - is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still." "Sacred Journey" pg. 46

So I'm letting go once again, trusting and believing that God is vastly stronger than me and anything that comes across my path. I can listen to His Voice of Love above all the others and know that I please Him. As I live in this place of faith, I do please Him and I feel His pleasure. May you feel His pleasure today.