Becomng Contemplative

Life has become much busier for me as my commitments have piled up. I'm reminded of my biggest temptation - to find my worth outside of myself (especially in the eyes of others.) I've been taking stock of my life the past couple years and have been moving toward becoming more contemplative. The past couple of months have felt like backward steps as I've said yes to some really worthwhile causes as well as increased my work load. The result is more stress with less time to process it - not a good combination. When I say that I'm becoming more contemplative, I mean that I'm learning to find my worth in my true self. My true self is my essence, my spirit, the self that existed before time and will continue even after my body decays. It is the self that was created by God and finds wholeness in God's will alone. It is the self that I enjoy, that brings life and is secure in God's love - even when significant others find me wanting. My true self is loving, gracious, wants the best for others and takes all setbacks in stride. My true self is emerging but only as I choose to live from authenticity and resist the cries from my false self. This is very hard to do since my false self has been calling the shots for a long time. Not impossible to do, but it does take time and intentionality to live in God's will and tune out the clamoring of my false self.

One way that the false self has gained power is through the "pulling myself up by my bootstraps" mentality that I adopted at a very early age. I know how to gut it out - what I'm less experienced at is surrendering, trusting and believing that God is in control. That's what faith is all about and that's what my true self is teaching me.

A quote that helps me to understand this is one by Frederick Buechner:

"but from her German forebears... the strongest faith she inherited was faith in hard work, in being careful with your money, in families staying together through thick and thin..., in the strength that comes from facing even what is vastly stronger than yourself. But when it comes to putting broken lives back together; when it comes, in religious terms, to the saving of souls- the human best tends to be at odds with the holy best. To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at it's harshest and worst - is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still." "Sacred Journey" pg. 46

So I'm letting go once again, trusting and believing that God is vastly stronger than me and anything that comes across my path. I can listen to His Voice of Love above all the others and know that I please Him. As I live in this place of faith, I do please Him and I feel His pleasure. May you feel His pleasure today.