A Book That Jumped Out At Me

I took Dad to the library last week - he is a voracious reader and had run out of books. When we walked in the door I "just happened" to see a book on the uppermost shelf intitled "Passages in Caregiving" by Gail Sheehy. I have been reading it ever since and feeling encouraged, understood and overwhelmed at different times. Some of the phrases are ones I've used myself and it helps to see it in print by someone else. For instance, I sometimes think of our parents as "my little mommy and daddy", because they can be so childlike but to read that someone else says it makes me realize that my emotions are valid and not demeaning. Rather tender and touching.

We (meaning the 3 Greiders left in the house) went away last weekend. Actually Hallack left on Wednesday, Ben and I joined him Friday night. We went to a friend's place in Port Townsend and it was really nice to have some time away. We had to be back for the group that meets at our house on Sunday so left right after lunch. It ended up not feeling like enough time and I struggled with re-entry. Thank goodness Gail is coming this weekend and I have plans to go to Oregon with my friend Juli. Another reason it's been hard this week is that Mom got off her schedule while Will and Corinna were taking care of her. I now realize that we're all better off if she stays on her regular routine so anyone taking care of her will need to follow that from here on out. I was trying to make it easier for my niece and nephew but it takes away from my respite if I have to battle Mom to get back on schedule. I always say that this is a huge learning curve for me and last weekend was a new lesson for me.

I'm finding myself to be rather emotional today and think it's because Mom's struggling to make sense. She's getting better at taking care of herself but I find that she is really confused on what to do and needs lots of direction. Just now she was trying to decide whether to put on her socks or her shoes first. My little mommy. Maria the physical therapist and MaryAnn the occupational therapist have been amazing support. They help me to see what she can do and tell me often how much better off she is, here with me. Both of them worked with her at Aegis so I know they have a good understanding of her situation. They give me strokes and that helps a lot because this is a lonely calling with plenty of room for self-doubt. Hallack encourages me as well and this week he was home sick; after which he told me he had a new appreciation for what I do during the day. So I'm going to give myself grace and take them for a drive instead of cleaning or paying bills or doing our taxes or any of the myriad of household tasks I could be doing. I'm going to enjoy them, enjoy a drive and maybe we'll stop and get the van washed. It needs it.