Another Week Gone

I can't believe it's Friday again and I wonder where the days go? I'm beginning to believe Mom and Dad when they say that time seems to go faster. The days seem to melt away and melt into one another. This aspect of caring threatened to overwhelm me this week...well that and the never ending nature of their needs.

Thank goodness for my dear friend and her early morning visit on Tuesday. Just being with her and listening to her life is like the sun breaking through on a cloudy day. I know that God brought her into my life last year and that He continues to bless each of us as we share and pray together. This week she was telling me about her life and we didn't even talk much about what was going on with me but God spoke to me through her none-the-less! I realized that I've been trying to do it all and it's wearing me down and the obvious place to get help is with the housecleaning. If I had someone come in twice a month to do a whole house scrubbing, that would be such a relief! I spoke with Hallack and he agreed so I'm looking forward to setting that up. It really is a matter of stewardship and that spending time with Mom and Dad, enjoying Hallack and Ben, cooking good meals and taking time to read and reflect is a much better use of my time than dusting (I really hate dusting :0). It really is a matter of recognizing that my energy and resources are limited and so I need to be thoughtful about what I do - I really cannot do it all (as much as I hate to admit it.)

We did have a very helpful appointment with Dr. Lee where I got lots of questions answered. I asked him about Mom's oxygen level and he doubted that was the source of her confusion. He brought in a nifty little device that clipped onto her finger which measured her oxygen level at 99% - can't get much better than that. That deflated me a bit because I was hoping that was the cause of her increasing level of dementia. I have an appointment with her cardiologist today and I'm looking forward to having an honest discussion about her prognosis. I am coming to grips with the fact that her mind is slipping away and the Mom that I loved to share my thoughts, joys and concerns with is no longer there. For instance, she thought she was getting a message from her hot chocolate yesterday - telling her what to do. It was both humorous and sad at the same time and I just try to love her in those moments. My little Mommy who needs my tenderness as she slowly slips away.

Back to the appointment...I als0 asked about their blood pressure and what I should be worried about when I take it. Dr. Lee told me that I could stop for the time being since it had been good for both of them when taken at the office. I'm so relieved since we all hate doing it - Mom especially as it seems to cause her pain and I hate to cause her pain. I also got a referral to take her to a gynecologist to check on her prolapse (not sure if it's vaginal or bladder but I sure want to have someone who knows take a look at it!) Finally I had him take a look at the blemish on Dad's face that was causing him pain (even though this was Mom's appointment - Dr. Lee called it a two-fer). After poking and picking at it (and making me squirm while I watched the pain on Dad's face) he gave the medical name for it and said it needed to be frozen - just like you would a wart. He treated it and although it hasn't fallen off yet, Dad says it no longer hurts him. I'm so glad. Dr. Lee told me that Dad probably has these skin blemishes (wax plugs?) all over his body and between that and the moles all over Mom's...well let's just say that I'm not looking forward to my skin care as I age.

It's my 53rd birthday on Sunday and I'm looking forward to a weekend of activities. Mark is coming this afternoon so that I can see the cardiologist and then Hallack and I will be going to a special worship service at Vineyard tonight. Our special date and I'm so looking forward to it! Adie offered to come on Sunday and I think we'll take that opportunity to get away and do our Christmas shopping. I am finding it increasingly hard to leave them as they seem fragile and ever more dependent on me. I do know that I have to take care of myself in order to do this for the long haul. How I want to do this for the long haul.