After the emotional roller coaster of the holidays, I've started to settle us all into a new routine. Mom is now getting up to have breakfast with Dad and then she takes a nap in her chair. Since Dad often naps in the couch in the morning, I realize that this is something they both need to do -even after sleeping close to 12 hours! It is good to have her up and eating the same time as Dad rather than having two totally different eating schedules. This morning she woke up with a positive attitude and even asked to have breakfast with Dad. I know that this can change in a heartbeat so I especially appreciate it when the "happy Mom" shows up.
On Sunday I took them both down to Grace for the evening service. It occurred to me that I've been trying to find a new place for them to worship and that is hard in the best of circumstances. So we loaded up and it only took about 35 minutes to drive there with unimpeded traffic. Mom still didn't enjoy it much but Dad sure did so this is my plan for at least awhile. I was reading through the Grace newsletter and discovered that Mom's circle is still meeting once a month so we may try to attend that as well.
The biggest change for me has been the realization that we all have to have life outside of this house and that I can't let Mom dictate what we do or don't do. She isn't capable, mentally, of making those decisions and so I need to be the adult here. It's not very fun to "make" her do anything but the long term result is better for us all. I'm letting her do more for herself and being her cheerleader when she accomplishes anything. I'm also helping Dad not come to her rescue every time she demands it. With where she is mentally, we were letting the equivalent of a toddler tell us what we should or shouldn't do. This is NOT good for her and definitely not good for Dad and me. So when the critical, demanding, and often unhappy Mom shows up, I'm learning to be loving but firm. Oh so much like when the kids were little! One thing I have to keep in mind is how much more demanding this is on me. The path of least resistance is so much easier to follow in the short run but drains me physically for the long. Since they need me to make it for the long run I have to take care of myself and that means making tough choices. And getting breaks. I know that I am now in the stage of their caregiving that is challenging and shaping me. Since this is the main reason that I've been called to care for them, I take consolation in the truth that God is in this and I can trust Him. I knew this wouldn't be easy so I find myself calling out to Him and am choosing to trust even when I don't feel like it. After all, feelings aren't everything...right?
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