Who Am I?

The past week has been full of activity and life with a house full of children (both ours and their friends). It was wonderful to have Hannah come home the Friday before Thanksgiving and she was very helpful. We tackled painting Mom and Dad's bathroom because it had only been primered before we needed to use it. Now it's finally ready to have the medicine cabinet installed and then it will be complete. We have all been enjoying both bathrooms and just in time (I can't imagine what Thanksgiving would have been like with only one :0). I picked Bekah up in Tacoma on Tuesday night and it was so good to have time to get caught up with her
(and Hannah.) Thanksgiving we spent with John and his family who braved the snowy pass to join us. It was so good to have them here - Mom and Dad especially appreciated seeing them. The girls both went back to school on Sunday and life has quieted down considerably.

Maybe too much...yesterday was a tough one for all of us. I was fighting depression and put a plea out for prayer as I took the dogs out for a walk. Mom had a dental appointment and was doing so well that I took them to the senior center to check it out. Afterward we went for a drive to enjoy the sunshine and a change of scenery. Mom was so upbeat that it caught me by surprise when she woke from a nap in her chair and insisted that she had to go to bed. Right then. At 4pm. She couldn't make it to stay up for Gisela (my mother-in-law)'s birthday dinner. Dad joined us for dinner and then went in to be with Mom and it was a pretty emotional evening for them from then on. Lots of tears and sadness over Mom's state of health.

The reality is that she's really slipping and I'm never quite sure which Mom I'm going to encounter when I go in to take care of her. I like it when the cheerful Mom shows up but more often than not, the confused, irritable Mom is the face that I see. I'm learning to distance myself from her emotionally and to not let her moods drag me in. Poor Dad can't do that as well and I see now why he chooses not to hear her sometimes. I'm never quite sure if he hears even half of what she says while they're in bed because he doesn't have his hearing aids in. The other morning he made the "crazy" sign and that was the first time he'd indicated to me that he knew she was talking nonsense. For instance, one morning as I was giving her medication I asked how she had slept and here's what she said:
Mom: "pretty good until the little girls came" Me: "you mean our girls?"
"no, the little girls we were supposed to take care of before they're adopted." To which I replied:
"here's the good news, Mom, that was a dream and you don't have any little girls to take care of." She then turned to Dad and said, "did you hear that, Bob? We don't have to get up and take care of those little girls!" He just smiled and nodded and I doubt he had any idea what we were talking about.

This morning was a bit more concerning...she couldn't come up with my name. I'm used to her not knowing where she's living so I asked her if she remembered where she was. Dad told me that she thought she was in a hospital and was asking for the nurse. I told her she was living with me and that's when I found out she didn't know my name. She kept telling me..."now don't tell me; Hannah, Bekah, ....I just can't remember!" Finally with a few hints and reminding her my name started with an H and was her favorite childhood story she finally came up with it. Just a little disconcerting.

So I made an appointment to talk with her cardiologist next week. I need to know what to expect and how to help her as she continues to fail. I've come to believe that her memory loss is more from lack of oxygen than a symptom of Parkinsons so one option I'm going to explore is getting her a tank to use at night. We'll see what the doctor has to say. In the meantime, I just try to find the humor and continue to remind her that she's safe and loved with me. And she is.