Withdrawing

Mom's withdrawing from life. She wants to do less and less. She hardly got dressed at all last week and yesterday I gave up on trying to get her to church. I don't think she wants to go anymore and I doubt it would be meaningful to her at this point. So I'm going to need to find someone to stay with her so that Dad and I can still go. Her solution is for us to leave her at home, alone. I told her that was not going to happen and she said "don't you trust God to take care of me?" I do and I still want someone with her!

I wonder what is best for her at this point? I'd like to make an appointment with her cardiologist and just talk openly about what to expect for her. She doesn't want to exercise, move around, get out of the house and mostly she just wants to sleep. When she does move around she breathes so heavy that I'm afraid she's going to have a heart attack. And that's a very real possibility.

I was talking with a friend last night who had just sat with her mother-in-law while she passed from this life to the next. She said the end was not pretty and that singing and praying is what got her through (and this from a nurse who's seen close to a hundred deaths). This is another part of the journey that I have to surrender to God. I believe He will give me the grace to be what they need in the moment of death. It will be a privilege and I'm grateful for what I'm learning as we continue down this path together. I cannot worry about what that will look like - those kinds of speculations are futile and take away from the present. Fear and worry are two companions I'm learning to part ways with: gratitude and joy are so much more pleasant and since I do have a choice - I choose the latter! With gratitude and with joy I head into another day of unknowns but full of the knowledge that I have a Saviour who journeys with me and gives me strength!