The Face of Christ in Charles

I got my Christmas gift in an unexpected way yesterday - I got to see Jesus. I didn't realize it at first, in fact, it took reflection today to help me see it. Let me see if I can explain....

The days leading up to Christmas were really difficult for me. Being snowbound and feeling the enormous pull to "do Christmas" just like normal had taken a real toll on me. I felt sick, I got sick and I so I did a 12 step e-meeting (people sharing their thoughts with each other on email). In my share I wrote the following:
"I'm also much more aware of the homeless in our own city. I've taken blankets and sleeping bags to Nickelsville and was hoping to join some friends in serving them breakfast on Christmas Day. I know this all sounds noble but what I'm really struggling with is a desire to go back to ignoring the needs of others. I don't want to see the faces of the poor people in Africa or the homeless in Seattle. Or I want to fix everything. I just don't want to live in the tension."

So you can see that I was really struggling. I wish I could say that I fought off the consumerism and only gave my kids homemade gifts and gave the money I saved to the homeless or the poor of Africa. But I didn't. In fact, despite all my big talk, I don't think our kids experienced a lesser Christmas at all. I did give some to the poor of Africa and some to Nickelsville but not as much as I could have. So it was in that frame of mind that I went to serve the people of tent city.

This is how it went....I got up really early and made several batches of cinnamon rolls - my Christmas Day tradition. Only this year, two batches were for tent city. The girls and I made it to the U District by the blessing of our friend Andrew's snow tires and skillful driving. When we walked in I was struck by two things - how many people from Vineyard Community Church were there and the smell of unwashed bodies. After handing off my cinnamon rolls I looked for someone to talk to. First I talked to Richard, the man from Nickelsville who takes in all the donations. I'd met him when I dropped off the blankets and sleeping bags so he was safe to talk to. We had a nice little visit but later I was drawn to a conversation with two women I really admire from VCC. It was easy to talk to them - much safer than trying to make conversation with a "homeless person," besides, we share common ideals and wounds. Finally we broke off our conversation and I was about to get my Christmas gift.

That's when I saw Charles. He was sitting all by himself and diving into a plate of ham and cinnamon rolls. I remembered what my sister-in-law said about their experiences with the homeless of Lake City..."they just want to tell their story," and so I sat down. After introducing ourselves I said, "so what's your story?" In retrospect, not the most gracious of conversation starters but Charles was gracious to me and began to tell it. I won't go into all the details but his is not an unfamiliar tale. Alcohol and prison play a big part in it as well as frustration with the system that professes to want to help but requires him to jump through some really strange hoops to get it. We talked about AA and al-anon - his disdain of people always telling what they used to do rather than offering solutions. He really wants to stay sober and so I encouraged him to keep looking for a meeting that is helpful and to get a sponsor. I talked about my need for a sponsor and how she keeps me from getting bitchy. Somewhere during this story, my girls sat down and got to hear much of his story. He told me about some amazing times when God intervened as he was ready to drink. He told me about his mom and her strong belief in God and we agreed that she is very likely praying for him. We talked about God's love for us and how He shows up in unexpected places. He said that I was his guardian angel and I told him that he'd been an angel to the young girl he'd tried to give $5 dollars to. (He also said that when I first sat down he'd thought "oh no, what does this woman want?")

This morning I realized that he was my gift - the face of Jesus in an unlikely place. The redemption of my Christmas as I realized I don't have all the answers, can't fix all the problems but can have a cup of coffee, make cinnamon rolls and spend some time hearing someone's story. I can wrestle with my greed, confess it, and take some steps toward being healed of this poverty of my soul. And I can choose to live in the tension - the "I can see all the problems but I can't fix them" tension. I can open my heart to Jesus and He can help me see that He's here. In our midst and especially with the poor. Even the poor in spirit like me. So thank you, Jesus, that You came and that You still come. And bless Charles today - get him through the ridiculous hoops to get the help he needs - bless him in ways only You can know that he needs. Thank you for sending Charles to me - only You knew how much I needed him.