Today

Today Dad is sleeping in and I think he's depressed. He looked at the stack of receipts for all the meds he's taking and then told me "it's so much money" (remind me to put that kind of stuff away!) and "I'm not worth it." No matter how much I say that he's "worth it", I can't make him believe it. He has spent his whole life being productive and just sitting around is not cutting it.

He wants to do something and I'm trying to figure out what that can be.

Our first foray into projects was a bit of a disaster. He was helping me put shelves together for the bathroom but instead of reading the directions he just started putting the screws in - without the locking washers. I would have let it go but they were wobbly and he even realized it so we had to go back and do them all over again. He's too "with it" to not realize that this made the project twice as long and it was a bit frustrating for me. I tried not to show it but I'm afraid he intuited it - or maybe he didn't and I'm just worrying about it. Then came the fiasco of putting the door handle on. I hadn't asked for his help but he stepped in anyway. He's no longer strong enough to put in screws by hand and when I got him the electric drill, he ended up stripping one of the screws and scratching the new handle.

So what I really need to do is find projects that he can succeed at without being patronizing. And not worry if something is not perfect (damn my perfectionism rearing it's ugly head). I was able to tell Dad that the scratches didn't matter - and say it with sincerity. I'm afraid, however, that this was not my first reaction and he knew it.
So I go back to remembering how important love is to this whole situation - it really is the foundation from which I must operate. Love covers over a multitude of sins (including perfectionism) and not only has this been my parenting mantra - it is now my parenting parents mantra.

A follow up to the morning's reason for sleeping in. He was just snuggling with mom and they were saying how much they love one another. When I found that out, I told them to not let me interrupt them and left them alone. Love, it really is the reason to live and does heal all wounds. And it is in such short supply simply because we do not turn to the Giver of Love and ask. Well, I'm learning to ask (and have been for some time) in each and every situation. This is the joy and challenge I've been given for this season. And every season.