The Visit

Yesterday, mom's cousin came for lunch and a visit.  It was great to have their first visitor and it was so good for mom (almost three hours flew by and she wasn't wanting to go and lay back down....)  It reminds me how important stimulation is for both of them - even when she claims she doesn't want it. 

A few things were said, however, that made me cringe and I can't help but want to process them.  One of the first things she said was "how is it living under the thumb of your daughter?"  Yikes.  A little later, after finding out they'd only been here three weeks, she said "oh, you're still in the honeymoon stage - wait until they've been here two months!"  And as she was leaving and I was thanking her for coming, she said "I think I've done some good here."  Wow.

In between these gems were some good times of reminiscing and encouragement and open sharing about our lives.  What I have to remember is that when someone says things like this it's usually coming out of their own story (guilt, remorse, denial...) and since she put her mom in a nursing home she may be reacting to our situation from that place.  That's what I've found so amazing since I answered this call to care for mom and dad - how many people have tried to talk me out of it.  Complete strangers, good friends, caregivers at Aegis and distant relatives all seem to think that I don't really know what I'm getting into.  Of course I don't really know (even after 3 weeks) because things can change so rapidly but that's why I have to take it "one day at a time."  When I try to peer into the future and imagine what next year or even next week will look like I'm only asking for trouble.  Worry and fear often accompany forecasting and all of it is useless.  Today is all I have and it is enough.  This discipline (of living one day at a time) is hard work but may be the very best gift I'm being given.  Time to get them up and see what mischief we can get into.