The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

It's already Sunday morning and I can't believe another week has flown by. I got a phone call yesterday from a friend who took care of her Mom until she died and it was so good to hear from her. She said she just wanted to check in with me to see how we're all doing and we had a talk about this very issue of time. Her Mom (and Dad) were with her every winter for four years (they snowbird in Texas) and during the Alaskan summers they lived close enough that she could check in on them every day. Her words were that it did seem long at the time but looking back she knows that it flew by: just like the years with infants, preschoolers, gradeschoolers and teenagers.... I'm very aware of how similar this is to the years with my children and I have the same sense now as I did when the kids were little - that I only get one chance to do this right.

The big difference here is that with children you know they're going to grow and get more independent and then you have the joy of adult children who've become friends. And the progression is steady, predictable and (mostly) delightful. With Mom and Dad....well, we're going the opposite direction and I have no idea how the timing will work out. And the end result will break my heart (even as I rejoice for them in the new life they'll be born into.)

I hung up their name plate from Bonaventure on their bedroom door yesterday and had a brief flash of how painful it might be to take it down when this is all over. I know I'm setting myself up for more grief when they die because of all the memories we're making right now. The good, the bad and the ugly. Even as I write this I wrestle with my desire to shape the things to come and the truth that I have no control over this unfolding story. None. And it drives me back to my knees and to the God that gives grace to every situation and Who holds all things in His Loving Hands. Even the tough stuff - especially the tough stuff. Again I'm amazed at what a gift this time is and how it is shaping me, healing me and stretching me. This is what gives me the strength to take each day as it comes...the good, the bad and the ugly.